The L Words

Yes! Let’s talk about love and lust! There's a difference between the two so let's discuss them both a  bit.

 For the record, I met my husband New Year’s Eve and we ended up going to a party later that night. When we were slow dancing, we held each other close and I realized his body felt so good! I immediately started to get all tingly about it. Picturing how he looked with his shirt off. Guess what? I was lusting. I knew nothing about him, besides his name and a few other basics. Nothing else, but I wanted him (crazy, right?). Don’t judge me. We all do it!

     

Hissing, flirting, making passes, doing a double take, biting down on your lips, playing with your hair, and the star-struck look, and drawing attention to yourself, are some of the ways we communicate our lustful habits.  Either way, this desire comes from just a physical attraction to the feature that catch our attention. It can be playful and innocent, with fantasizing in the mix. Also, one can have a fantasy in mind, and seek out the person who fits the image in their head. The lips, the walk, the smell, the bulges, the cleavage, all those sexual features peaked your interest. Now you wish to fulfill the fantasy.

 We become caught up in what we want from a person and how they look, and what they have, instead of who they really are.  He/she drives a nice car, dresses nice, has money, but how is their character? Will your family or close friends approve? They take you out and buy you lots of merchandise, but you can’t have any friends and you can’t go anywhere without them. In the beginning, you think it is cute. Blinded by lust, we either haven’t seen or we are ignoring the signs to satisfy our needs. You are more concerned with having sex than talking, planning your future, or observing their actions around people, especially women.

 

There are many names for lust. A booty call is a popular one. Do you receive a call only late at night, wanting to come over to spend the night? Are you a teddy bear? What happened to the daytime? What happened to going on dates? If you are reading this and you are and single, don’t be anyone’s booty call. If your partner doesn’t want to have conversations with you, sex is the common factor, and you can’t stand each other’s attitude outside of the bed, you are a booty call and your relationship is pure lust. Some people are happy with lust-only relationships and that is okay. To each his own. 

 

Now, all relationships that start with lustful desires end up bad or just sexual romps. My relationship didn’t, but we spent tons of time together, and hours upon hours talking to each other. We’ve always enjoyed being with each other, even to this day, and that keeps our fire lit. 

However, all that lovey-dovey stuff does nothing when change is about to take place. When our schedules changed, we also began to change. I wouldn’t say a bad change came about. Let’s just say we learned new things about each other. It was tough, but I believed that was when love saved the day. For instance, when he changed jobs it was closer to where he lived, so it went from seeing him at my place, every night to two or three nights a week! That was a hard because since he was at home alone, he fell asleep really early so no movie nights or fun!! In hindsight, all the fights we had, I created because I wanted him to be with me. As time passed, I understood, and I appreciated the time apart. It made the reunions so much sweeter. 😊

 

When you care about that person, and the thought of them brings a smile to your face; you spend time together other than sex; you cuddle without sex; you encourage each other to do better; you enjoy doing things for them; you are each other best friends; you care about everyone and everything connected to them, when you realize they are imperfect and it doesn’t matter… These are some signs of love. If you think the person you are with does these things, but you aren’t sure it is love, don’t worry, love transcend time. If you continue to hold out on sleeping with them, they will either respect your wishes or give up and move on. 

Some relationships can be infatuation also, but that depends mostly on the person having those thoughts. You think the person is perfect and you must have them. He/she is usually jealous, obsessive, unstable, possessive, borderline crazy, and always seems paranoid when it comes to the apple of their eye. Those relations don’t usually last long (hopefully with no one getting arrested).

 

Remember, in order to have a beautiful garden, you must tend and care for it. Same goes for relationships. Communication and commitment are keys to a long, lasting unions. When you cry more than you smile, always frustrated and stressed out over simple, silly things, you may be involved in a lustful situation. Sometimes it could be the person doesn't value you because individuals take care of their treasures.  

Every relationship contains ups and downs. However, if the downs outweigh the ups, that is a problem. Seek wise counsel. If you are married or engaged, I believe all engaged couples should seek at least three months of counseling and the married couples should go to counseling once a year for a marital checkup.   If you are dating, have a deep, meaningful conversation together, to either get back on track or go your separate ways. Only you allow what comes in your life. Don’t keep junk. Upgrade and move on, or even keep it moving by yourself until the next person comes along.

I hoped I shed some light on love and lust. What do you think? I still lust after my husband… well, I think it is possible to be in love and in lust at the same time.  Whatever you do, be safe, be careful, and be true to yourself!

Thank you for reading!

Are you a luster or a lover? Drop a comment, share your thoughts and feelings below!

As always, my dear readers, I wish you love, peace & happiness! Next week, let’s talk about SEX, baby! 😉